First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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