Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
