So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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