apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
