$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
