I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
