If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
