Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
