my mouth tastes like poor choices
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
