1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
