oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
