I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
