I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
