i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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