So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
