He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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