it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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