this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
