I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
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