I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
