Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
