who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
