there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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