There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
