Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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