Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You are the jesus of drinking
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
