The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Oh god it's open bar.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
