last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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