just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
