The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
