He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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