he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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