Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
