Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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