I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
