our cab driver is having phone sex.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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