Kiss
Puke
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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