I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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