just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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