The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
