Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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