I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
