dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
