She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
