Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
