so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
