Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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