I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
