I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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