Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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