Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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