Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
