How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
