So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
