Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
