Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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