the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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