my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
