i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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