If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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